at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
