GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
