wanna go halves on a baby?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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