I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
