I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
