just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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