drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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