im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
