4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
