id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
