If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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