Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
