yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize