Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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