She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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