Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
