And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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