Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
