Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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