my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize