Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
