k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
