It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
