it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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