Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So vagazzling was a success
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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