well I can't set my house on fire every night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
