she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
