How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize