i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
