It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
