just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My life is pants optional.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
