turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
