I'm sorry my penis didn't work
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize