I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what day is it and did you see me today?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
