Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I understand Curling. That high.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
