8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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