that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
