you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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