i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
