I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
