i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
