I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
