I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
