i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
