Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
