Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
