I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
