what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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