I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
