I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will be naked everywhere
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
