Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
