I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
