my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
