My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
