Got a toothbrush?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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