we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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