She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
