I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
