At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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