I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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