I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
