Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
