Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
