i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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