We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
