Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
